Something interesting has dawned on
me recently in regards to the fact that I am a fairly organized person.
Organization often requires planning and routine, and sticking to a schedule.
This is easy for me. When I have a schedule that barely varies from day to day,
I know what to expect. My life is predictable.
What I’ve realized is that for so long I’ve tried to live a predictable life. Because
it’s easy. It’s comfortable and secure. If I take a job that guarantees to keep
me long term, that is good, because I don’t have to worry about the uncertainty
that accompanies a job search for several more years. I tend to feel safe and
feel that things are right when I can fit everything into tidy boxes, when I
know exactly what I’ll be doing at noon tomorrow, and probably even at noon a
year from now.
But
there’s this other part of me. It’s the part that’s always been there but has
taken more time to awaken because it’s scary. It’s the desire in me to live
adventurously, to think outside the box, to dream big as if limitations don’t
exist. I live in this tension and seeming paradox of being a daydreamer while
at the same time wanting to stay comfortable. When life is predictable, I can
be in control. Fear isn’t an obstacle to overcome because there just isn’t
anything to be afraid of.
There
are two things I’ve come to realize over the past few years about being a
Christian. One, it isn’t safe or
predictable. There are a lot of unknowns. When Jesus’ disciples decided to
follow him, they chose to drop everything that gave them any sense of security
in the world and follow a guy who wouldn’t tell them what to expect but who
expected them to have faith in him. The second thing I’ve come to realize is
that the Christian life is adventurous and exciting. I find myself becoming
disappointed or angry when things don’t turn out the way I had envisioned. I
see now that most of the time, this is because I thought I was in control, and
when my time, life, circumstances, whatever it was got ripped out of my grip
instead of me willingly letting go, it tore me open. It made me vulnerable when
I wasn’t ready. I believe that any adventure requires courage. First, it
requires letting go of expectations and what I know to be safe, then it calls
for great courage.
What
if an adventure consists of some of the things we would never have thought to
put in that category before? Such as forgiveness. Let me explain. If I want my
life to be predictable because it’s comfortable and easy, what happens when
someone does something to me that I don’t expect and can’t control? Something I
don’t like? A reaction on my part will certainly take place because my
prediction has been broken. So, what if I don’t place unreasonable expectations
on life or people? What if the act of forgiveness can be an adventure because
of the courage and love it requires? What if I let my imagination create a new
story for someone that has hurt me? Not the predictable kind where I react and
get angry and they get punished, but the kind where redemption is possible, the
kind where this person gets so filled up with love that they turn around and
start forgiving the people in their
life, and there is this huge ripple effect that changes the whole world.
Crazy,
right?
But
then again, Jesus used twelve people to turn the world upside down because they
were willing to step into the unknown and even get hurt sometimes.
If
my life is too predictable, it becomes boring, and then when the inevitable
unexpected thing comes up, I don’t know what to do with myself. Where is the
courage? Where is the passion? Where is the love? I am a person who both
appreciates routine and is a daydreamer. For the most part, I know what I’ll be
doing tomorrow, but I know that I really don’t. Because there are those moments
waiting for me that God has in his heart but hasn’t revealed yet. There are
those people I’ll see on my walk that need me to smile at them, and if I’m so
stuck in just going through the motions of my predictable life, I’ll forget to
do it. I’ll miss the adventure of brightening up someone’s day with joy. Of
possibly changing someone’s story.
I
have realized how much I live in my own little world. Even when my thoughts are
big, they are limited by inaction. I don’t know about you, but I want to see. I want to be present and aware
because at any moment, God could drop something into my little world to make it
shatter, and I fear I might not even notice the shards breaking on the ground.
And at that point, I am no longer living.
The
Christian life is full of glorious interruptions calling us to adventure. Let
us let go of control, step with joy into the unknown, and embrace the kind of
passionate life that makes walking on water seem like child’s play.
