The Freedom in Affection

I want to allow myself to receive God's affection.
I mean, how often do we really do this? If we were all to sit down and evaluate our daily lives and the way we function and the fumes we run on, how much of our energy and actions come out of this place of affection from God? I think most of us, whether we realize it or not, are trying to live our lives on empty tanks. And we wonder why we get worn out. We wonder why we feel distant from those around us. If we do not know our true value and that we are loved for simply existing, we cannot love others. We have nothing to give. What we give will be empty duty fulfillments, void of life.
Stagnant.
But love moves us forward. Love stirs and awakens us to become who we are meant to be. Love moves those around us, arouses hunger just by the sight of us, because they wonder how someone can bask in light and joy and never tire. If this seems like a distant reality for you, think again. Why did Jesus come anyway? So that we would still walk in the futility of our efforts? No--He did not come so that we would struggle through life, He came so that we could live. True living is having no worries, not being concerned with the affairs of tomorrow, giving ourselves away because it is our joy to do so, and though we may or may not die tomorrow, we have right now to make a difference. It is living without regrets because the past is forgotten. It is living with hope because the best is yet to come.
So, I want to allow myself to receive God's affection. Too often do I forget. Too often do I get caught up in details and duties and not even realize I'm coming to the end of myself until I collapse in weariness of heart or mind or body. Too often do I run on empty fumes when all along I had an abundant supply of favor, love, joy and peace to propel me forward. Too often do I grow bored with the mundane when God promises us His constant presence. And too often do I forget who I am. Because who I am is not what I do or how many people like or appreciate me. Who I am is how I'm loved.
And we cannot love when we do not have love.
I have such a deep desire to see others through God's eyes, but I find myself struggling to do so. It is too easy to see the faults, to see the fallen man. And it is because whether I know it or not, I am also looking at my own shortcomings.
Here's a challenge (one that my good friend actually suggested to me once): Ask God how He sees you, and then close your eyes and quiet your mind and wait for the answer. He might show you a picture, you may hear words or a sound or a song. But be astounded at what He shows you, because believe me, it will be beyond your wildest hopes. Let Him define you, and soak it all up. Let His perspective inflate your spirit. Then keep asking for it

.
Our generosity and love and energy will never run dry if we allow ourselves to see the truth. Because the truth supercedes circumstance, time, feelings, human reason, or bodily needs. The truth will set us free to live lives we've never imagined possible.
This place is closer than we think. Open up, and see what God will do.

(This post was inspired specifically by Ted Dekker's new book Outlaw as well as Dan Hamann's Nov. 3rd Sunday sermon at CCK.)

When I woke

When I woke from the dream of my pale, empty life

And came face to face with all my disgrace
I cried in the night mourning my plight
To be seen and be known when I couldn’t see light
I had known the right answers, my heart proved them true
But the one thing missing was You

I woke from the lies that were shocking my hopes

Into dead, futile dreams of a child who couldn’t cope
When I saw that my world was much bigger than me
I gave you the keys

Your nearness blasted through the walls I never knew

Enveloped my blindness, told me I was new
Your whispers of love broke every chain
And I could see that my life would never be in vain

See, you bled from your veins

A sacrifice too deep for words
And if I were to discard or discredit its worth
You would have died and I a prisoner would remain
A slave to the pain of this Earth

But your love conquers all

It ruptured every wall
Until all I could do was fall

In my flight in the night

When I wanted to give up this fight
You came and you held me tight
When I woke from the dream and only your truth lingered
Like edges of hope lining my heart with your Word

Memory's Door: A Book Review

Memory’s Door is a novel by author James Rubart and is his second installment of the Well Spring series which began with Soul’s Gate. The book is essentially about four people who are part of a prophecy who are called to enter into spiritual realms and fight against a spirit known as “The Wolf.”

This book was just as enjoyable as the first for me and captured my attention in many ways. Rubart’s writing has a way of stirring up in me a desire to see beyond the physical, to be a part of the spiritual world in a deeper way. He also skillfully weaves in the concept of freedom into his novels, and Memory’s Door is no exception. I found myself desiring greater freedom in my own life as I read about the journey the characters were on. I believe Rubart’s writing is extremely anointed and that God has given him a unique gift to bring healing and freedom to people through the craft of story. That excites me because as a writer I want to do the same. For me, stories are not just about entertainment: they are a vital way to communicate truth.

I think that most people will be able to find themselves relating to at least one of Rubart’s characters in this book.  I love the way they learn and grow throughout the story. I found it interesting (and somewhat comical at first) that towards the beginning of the book some of the things they thought or said seemed immature. I thought, man they shouldn’t be acting like that at this point, or they should have more faith! But in reality don’t we all lose our faith at times, and don’t we all do or say silly things? By the end of the story, after all they went through and all that was revealed to them as they fought the enemy, they are different people. They are softer, more open, more loving towards each other and their faith is stronger.

Memory’s Door has a lot of lessons to teach and it is also a page turner, which is a bonus! I believe that if you allow God to speak to your heart through Rubart’s words and story you will find yourself longing to step into new realms of faith and adventure with God.

You will find healing and freedom just like the characters.

James Rubart has deep insight and wisdom about the spirits of our culture as well as the lies and thoughts that we all struggle with in our minds. Memory’s Door is quite worth the read!

The New Creation: An Eternity of Discovery

The air was charged. Not with electricity, but with excitement, anticipation, wonder at the prospect of spending a lifetime in discovery of this good thing I had found. Or rather, had found me.
How could it have found me? How could He have found me? So little, so insignificant, tucked away in this little corner of the world. And yet my tiny heart had always had a home, had always been destined to be caught up in the greatest story of all time.

I remember being a little child surrounded by blessings. Parents who knew Jesus, a church full of loving and caring and nurturing people, 3 meals a day and a roof over my head that offered comfort and peace and shelter. Sure, I had struggles. We all do. We all have to wrestle with the pain of life, and childhood is not without its painful and harsh learning moments. But tonight God has reminded me of some of those moments where honestly all I can really remember is what I just described above: an electric air. Someone bigger than the universe had found me and loved me like His own child.
I didn't know how to describe it back then--I didn't know fully what it was. But I remember being in worship services or chapels when I just felt excited. My heart was beginning to come alive to a hope that had already been active for centuries before my birth. I was just starting to see who God was--small sparks igniting in my imagination of what this life with Christ could really look like.
I didn't know it back then, but what I was experiencing was the wonder of being a new creation. As a little girl I virtually only looked forward. I had a lifetime of adventurous discovery ahead of me, years upon years to spend diving into the heart of my Creator and learning through his eyes. Learning my role in His story. Learning what the Kingdom really looked like, really felt like.
Anything could happen.
I find myself today in a different place, yet I long again for this same wonder I experienced as a child. Because I still have a lifetime; in fact, an eternity of discovery before me. I am writing a novel called "The New Breed." It's a story full of wonder, the supernatural, and faith. The characters are discovering that there is more to life than what they have seen with their physical eyes.
Writing this story truly has taken me on a journey. It has challenged me to see things from new perspectives, much as it has for my characters.
What I don't want is to stay where I'm at. I've realized that I've given something up. And to be brutally honest, a lot of what I've given up is the faith to believe that anything is possible. That I can live in wonder and anticipation of the great things God is going to do next. That I can experience and see for myself what is taking place in the spiritual realm. My own book is coaxing me on to enter into new levels with God.
What is this Christian life supposed to look like? "The New Breed" is another phrase for the new creation. If we are a new creation, we do not act like or experience life the same as we used to before the blood of Christ set us free. We don't think like those who are still in darkness.
You will find that the air is charged if you just reach out and touch it. God's presence is here and he inhabits our very hearts. I think so many of us have hesitated to just take that one simple step forward; because I believe that if we do, we will see that there never was a real wall blocking us from living a supernatural life. Those walls, those blocks are a figment of our imaginations.
Let's use our imaginations for good, for faith, and not for hindering the possibility of a limitless life.
We are the New Breed.

God Knows Best: Embracing the Waiting

Why did you put this dream in my heart if I don’t ever have the opportunity to do it?

 

A question I used to ask God a lot. I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand how there could be something that made me come so alive and yet time after time I was let down by it. There was something inside of me that needed to be released, and for me, dance looked like it would offer that release.

If only I had the chance to learn, to perform.

Growing up the only dance classes I ever took were one year of ballet in sixth grade and scattered classes here and there offered in my church. I always wanted to learn, but I suppose I never felt like I had the opportunity, and I don’t think my parents knew how deep the desire ran, so they didn’t feel the need to put me in regular classes.

I thought my time would come when finally, after high school, I entered a one year ministry program in our church. Dancing was a big part of the ministry tour the team took every summer. Surely, I would get to dance.

So, we began to learn some choreography, and then the time came to be “picked” to be in the dances. I remember being disappointed a lot. After several times of not being picked, disillusionment began to set in.

But I’m the one who loves to dance! Some of the others have never danced in their lives, or don’t even like it.

It didn’t make sense to me. My time hadn’t come when I thought it would.

It turned out that God had other things to work on in me that year. He was not denying my desire; rather, he was working on my heart so I would be ready for his timing.

I had to trust him and to learn to be excited for other people. I also had to learn that ministry was not about my opportunity to show off my skills, but about loving people.

Waiting is not easy, especially when a fire burns inside your heart. But for me, it was necessary.

After that year, it was two more full years before I finally had the opportunity to take a regular ballet class. I was twenty-one.

The previous year I had done a second year of this ministry program in another state, in which I did have some more opportunities to dance. I was grateful for this, and yet, I knew I really needed a lot more training to hone the skill and gain strength and flexibility. I do remember at one point in the year when a dance instructor from my own church came to teach us. When he saw me dance, he said, “It’s really good to see you dance.” That meant more to me than he’ll ever know.

So at twenty-one, I took one year of ballet from an amazing instructor at my church, and the following year actually had the opportunity to go to the art school at the church and focus solely on dance. I finally had the chance to do something I know God created me to do.

Most dancers start their training early in childhood. I don’t know all the reasons why I didn’t learn until I was an adult, but I do know that while there is pain in waiting, there is also beauty. God focuses on different things with us in different seasons of our lives, and what we have to remember is that he always knows what is best for us.

In my waiting time, God taught me to trust him, to trust his heart and his love for me. He taught me to turn dance into something used to worship him and to share his heart with others, not something to draw attention to myself. He taught me grace.

Today, at twenty-five, I am still dancing. I really am amazed at how much I’ve been able to learn in such a short time and I know I will only get better as I continue to give myself to the process.

In our culture today especially, we tend to want things right away. It doesn’t feel good to wait, or to put things off, or to have to go through years of training to obtain what we want.

But it’s worth it. And if we miss the process, we miss the beauty of the gifts.

I can be content with the level of training I have in dance at this moment, knowing that this journey of learning is not over.

I’m still waiting. I’m waiting for a lot of things. But every day, if I remember to, I live loved, knowing that my Creator stands outside of time, and that he knows best.

No Limits: Overcoming Imaginary Hurdles

Imagination can either daunt us into dormant vision or entice us to create what we see, to build other universes. Fear is a very real enemy to creativity. Courage is our ally that we must take up arms with to stroke the canvas that will bring our imaginings to life. Others can't see what we see unless we make it visible to them. I often find myself standing before a wall that I want with all my heart to scale and yet my foot won't take that first step. It is lulled to sleep by fear of failure. I want it so bad that I'm afraid what I create won't live up to the high standard of my imagination.
Words are tricky creatures. They carry so much meaning, but they can also cause confusion. They can be translated even by someone who shares the same language into something entirely opposite of what the author meant. Words are alive, but they don't have a mind of their own. Fear of man has for centuries been an unnecessary enemy to productivity, invention, and creativity. We make the people's projected reactions our stumbling block, when really it is our own lack of faith in possibility. I know that with God there is no limit. He is the Creator of everything. If you really indulge in the wonder of the complexity of his handiwork, you realize how magnanimous he is. Let your heart dive into this miracle and it will cause unadultereted laughter to bubble up and make your eyes twinkle like a child's.
It is incredible.
That word, incredible, doesn't quite do it justice though. And I think that's what we fear. We fear the insufficiency of our feeble words.
Yet if our God is limitless, are not our words as well? Does our simple language have the potential to carry the power of Heaven?
Why not?
So don't let imagination daunt you anymore. Don't let the fear of man or the inadequacy of your words, your strokes, your moves, your strums keep you from creating the impossible.
The world needs to see what you have been shown.
Fear is your only enemy. A lethargic creativity can always be pushed past. If discouragement discounts your courageous attempts, do it again.
And remember, no limits!

The True Us

God is so gracious. He uses us even in the midst of our selfishness. I am convinced that God is always seeing the true us, the person He made us to be in the beginning. And even if we are not living up to that, he will intentionally highlight the things we do that model that true identity more than the things that don't. He knows that as he acknowledges the gifts we give to him, our desire to give will grow and grow. This is how we become. By receiving God's approval and love. Despite what we've done that we are ashamed of. When we throw off the shame is when we will change. It is never too late. So be encouraged today in whatever process you find yourself in. You are not there yet, but God looks at you as if you are, so you can become. I feel his favor and his approval. He is a good Father, and sometimes we just need a reminder of that.