Wall

When is it okay to just be? Why am I not satisfied when I can’t seem to produce what I want to? Is it okay to be unproductive? I don’t know why I hit these walls sometimes. I don’t know if God is trying to tell me to rely on Him or if He just wants me to do nothing and receive from Him. But then, what if I can’t hear His answers? Why do I lose the inspiration that makes my heart beat, that gives me courage for another day, that fills me with the purpose I need to keep going? Is it resistance? Warfare? Or am I supposed to stop sometimes and be okay with it? Though I know the truth, I don’t seem to have answers to these questions. I’m a writer. Writers reveal truth, open up new perspectives, test what we all know. Sometimes I feel that all I have to write is more questions. Sometimes my thoughts can go no further. Sometimes I’m at such a point of desperation that all I can do is sit and feel nothing, do nothing. Is that desperation, though? If I am desperate, am I supposed to show it in some way, to actually do something? Are desperate people passionate? Or are we desperate because we lack passion? I long for the time to do what I know I’m made for. So why is it that whenever I am given the hugest chunk of time, I cannot get anything out? Rather, I seem to be more inspired when I barely have a moment, or when I feel too pressured to actually create. Why am I not inspired when I have wide open spaces? Even when I’m crying out to God to anoint me. Am I not putting in enough effort? Or do I simply need to stop and wait for God to show up and fill me again?
I’ve run dry. I’m not sure what to do when this happens. I know God will show up, because He always does, but what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Am I wasting my days? Or do I just need to hear His call, tune in to His drawing, and come be with Him? Maybe He’s trying to tell me something. If you are God, help me to hear!