Bride: A Christmas Poem

When your words formed life

A story began that would end with a glorious bride
All the tension of Heaven climaxed to this point of creation
This beginning of Earth, Eden
From whose inhabitants would spring the origination for all nations
With every exhalation from your lungs
And every note of the songs sung
A new breed sprung
And you, all knowing the outcome of our betrayal
Spoke the words just the same
And from your heart man was made
Recognizing that one day another new breed would have to come
From your own seed
The only way to redeem
A species who too readily received
Lies and false realities
But when that day came
Oh, when that day dawned you opened up your heart so wide
It tore at the sight of your soiled bride
And broke with a love that only your son could provide
So God became a little boy
You infiltrated our world as a baby born to an unmarried girl
As one of us you showed that a new chapter would unfold
And before our very eyes you grew
Until you realized that the reason you had come
Was to speak life
Yet at the mercy of death
With every breath you drew in you knew it was merely a matter of time
Before you would hang upon that Roman beam and die
For the souls of your beloved bride
When your words formed life
You knew the pain it would require
But you were writing a story that would be like no other
That would start an unending fire
Unite brother to brother
And create possibilities
That would invade our sense of reality
And then through this incarnation we would see
That becoming a part of your Kingdom
Was the only route to life and freedom

The Freedom in Affection

I want to allow myself to receive God's affection.
I mean, how often do we really do this? If we were all to sit down and evaluate our daily lives and the way we function and the fumes we run on, how much of our energy and actions come out of this place of affection from God? I think most of us, whether we realize it or not, are trying to live our lives on empty tanks. And we wonder why we get worn out. We wonder why we feel distant from those around us. If we do not know our true value and that we are loved for simply existing, we cannot love others. We have nothing to give. What we give will be empty duty fulfillments, void of life.
Stagnant.
But love moves us forward. Love stirs and awakens us to become who we are meant to be. Love moves those around us, arouses hunger just by the sight of us, because they wonder how someone can bask in light and joy and never tire. If this seems like a distant reality for you, think again. Why did Jesus come anyway? So that we would still walk in the futility of our efforts? No--He did not come so that we would struggle through life, He came so that we could live. True living is having no worries, not being concerned with the affairs of tomorrow, giving ourselves away because it is our joy to do so, and though we may or may not die tomorrow, we have right now to make a difference. It is living without regrets because the past is forgotten. It is living with hope because the best is yet to come.
So, I want to allow myself to receive God's affection. Too often do I forget. Too often do I get caught up in details and duties and not even realize I'm coming to the end of myself until I collapse in weariness of heart or mind or body. Too often do I run on empty fumes when all along I had an abundant supply of favor, love, joy and peace to propel me forward. Too often do I grow bored with the mundane when God promises us His constant presence. And too often do I forget who I am. Because who I am is not what I do or how many people like or appreciate me. Who I am is how I'm loved.
And we cannot love when we do not have love.
I have such a deep desire to see others through God's eyes, but I find myself struggling to do so. It is too easy to see the faults, to see the fallen man. And it is because whether I know it or not, I am also looking at my own shortcomings.
Here's a challenge (one that my good friend actually suggested to me once): Ask God how He sees you, and then close your eyes and quiet your mind and wait for the answer. He might show you a picture, you may hear words or a sound or a song. But be astounded at what He shows you, because believe me, it will be beyond your wildest hopes. Let Him define you, and soak it all up. Let His perspective inflate your spirit. Then keep asking for it

.
Our generosity and love and energy will never run dry if we allow ourselves to see the truth. Because the truth supercedes circumstance, time, feelings, human reason, or bodily needs. The truth will set us free to live lives we've never imagined possible.
This place is closer than we think. Open up, and see what God will do.

(This post was inspired specifically by Ted Dekker's new book Outlaw as well as Dan Hamann's Nov. 3rd Sunday sermon at CCK.)

When I woke

When I woke from the dream of my pale, empty life

And came face to face with all my disgrace
I cried in the night mourning my plight
To be seen and be known when I couldn’t see light
I had known the right answers, my heart proved them true
But the one thing missing was You

I woke from the lies that were shocking my hopes

Into dead, futile dreams of a child who couldn’t cope
When I saw that my world was much bigger than me
I gave you the keys

Your nearness blasted through the walls I never knew

Enveloped my blindness, told me I was new
Your whispers of love broke every chain
And I could see that my life would never be in vain

See, you bled from your veins

A sacrifice too deep for words
And if I were to discard or discredit its worth
You would have died and I a prisoner would remain
A slave to the pain of this Earth

But your love conquers all

It ruptured every wall
Until all I could do was fall

In my flight in the night

When I wanted to give up this fight
You came and you held me tight
When I woke from the dream and only your truth lingered
Like edges of hope lining my heart with your Word

Memory's Door: A Book Review

Memory’s Door is a novel by author James Rubart and is his second installment of the Well Spring series which began with Soul’s Gate. The book is essentially about four people who are part of a prophecy who are called to enter into spiritual realms and fight against a spirit known as “The Wolf.”

This book was just as enjoyable as the first for me and captured my attention in many ways. Rubart’s writing has a way of stirring up in me a desire to see beyond the physical, to be a part of the spiritual world in a deeper way. He also skillfully weaves in the concept of freedom into his novels, and Memory’s Door is no exception. I found myself desiring greater freedom in my own life as I read about the journey the characters were on. I believe Rubart’s writing is extremely anointed and that God has given him a unique gift to bring healing and freedom to people through the craft of story. That excites me because as a writer I want to do the same. For me, stories are not just about entertainment: they are a vital way to communicate truth.

I think that most people will be able to find themselves relating to at least one of Rubart’s characters in this book.  I love the way they learn and grow throughout the story. I found it interesting (and somewhat comical at first) that towards the beginning of the book some of the things they thought or said seemed immature. I thought, man they shouldn’t be acting like that at this point, or they should have more faith! But in reality don’t we all lose our faith at times, and don’t we all do or say silly things? By the end of the story, after all they went through and all that was revealed to them as they fought the enemy, they are different people. They are softer, more open, more loving towards each other and their faith is stronger.

Memory’s Door has a lot of lessons to teach and it is also a page turner, which is a bonus! I believe that if you allow God to speak to your heart through Rubart’s words and story you will find yourself longing to step into new realms of faith and adventure with God.

You will find healing and freedom just like the characters.

James Rubart has deep insight and wisdom about the spirits of our culture as well as the lies and thoughts that we all struggle with in our minds. Memory’s Door is quite worth the read!

The New Creation: An Eternity of Discovery

The air was charged. Not with electricity, but with excitement, anticipation, wonder at the prospect of spending a lifetime in discovery of this good thing I had found. Or rather, had found me.
How could it have found me? How could He have found me? So little, so insignificant, tucked away in this little corner of the world. And yet my tiny heart had always had a home, had always been destined to be caught up in the greatest story of all time.

I remember being a little child surrounded by blessings. Parents who knew Jesus, a church full of loving and caring and nurturing people, 3 meals a day and a roof over my head that offered comfort and peace and shelter. Sure, I had struggles. We all do. We all have to wrestle with the pain of life, and childhood is not without its painful and harsh learning moments. But tonight God has reminded me of some of those moments where honestly all I can really remember is what I just described above: an electric air. Someone bigger than the universe had found me and loved me like His own child.
I didn't know how to describe it back then--I didn't know fully what it was. But I remember being in worship services or chapels when I just felt excited. My heart was beginning to come alive to a hope that had already been active for centuries before my birth. I was just starting to see who God was--small sparks igniting in my imagination of what this life with Christ could really look like.
I didn't know it back then, but what I was experiencing was the wonder of being a new creation. As a little girl I virtually only looked forward. I had a lifetime of adventurous discovery ahead of me, years upon years to spend diving into the heart of my Creator and learning through his eyes. Learning my role in His story. Learning what the Kingdom really looked like, really felt like.
Anything could happen.
I find myself today in a different place, yet I long again for this same wonder I experienced as a child. Because I still have a lifetime; in fact, an eternity of discovery before me. I am writing a novel called "The New Breed." It's a story full of wonder, the supernatural, and faith. The characters are discovering that there is more to life than what they have seen with their physical eyes.
Writing this story truly has taken me on a journey. It has challenged me to see things from new perspectives, much as it has for my characters.
What I don't want is to stay where I'm at. I've realized that I've given something up. And to be brutally honest, a lot of what I've given up is the faith to believe that anything is possible. That I can live in wonder and anticipation of the great things God is going to do next. That I can experience and see for myself what is taking place in the spiritual realm. My own book is coaxing me on to enter into new levels with God.
What is this Christian life supposed to look like? "The New Breed" is another phrase for the new creation. If we are a new creation, we do not act like or experience life the same as we used to before the blood of Christ set us free. We don't think like those who are still in darkness.
You will find that the air is charged if you just reach out and touch it. God's presence is here and he inhabits our very hearts. I think so many of us have hesitated to just take that one simple step forward; because I believe that if we do, we will see that there never was a real wall blocking us from living a supernatural life. Those walls, those blocks are a figment of our imaginations.
Let's use our imaginations for good, for faith, and not for hindering the possibility of a limitless life.
We are the New Breed.

God Knows Best: Embracing the Waiting

Why did you put this dream in my heart if I don’t ever have the opportunity to do it?

 

A question I used to ask God a lot. I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand how there could be something that made me come so alive and yet time after time I was let down by it. There was something inside of me that needed to be released, and for me, dance looked like it would offer that release.

If only I had the chance to learn, to perform.

Growing up the only dance classes I ever took were one year of ballet in sixth grade and scattered classes here and there offered in my church. I always wanted to learn, but I suppose I never felt like I had the opportunity, and I don’t think my parents knew how deep the desire ran, so they didn’t feel the need to put me in regular classes.

I thought my time would come when finally, after high school, I entered a one year ministry program in our church. Dancing was a big part of the ministry tour the team took every summer. Surely, I would get to dance.

So, we began to learn some choreography, and then the time came to be “picked” to be in the dances. I remember being disappointed a lot. After several times of not being picked, disillusionment began to set in.

But I’m the one who loves to dance! Some of the others have never danced in their lives, or don’t even like it.

It didn’t make sense to me. My time hadn’t come when I thought it would.

It turned out that God had other things to work on in me that year. He was not denying my desire; rather, he was working on my heart so I would be ready for his timing.

I had to trust him and to learn to be excited for other people. I also had to learn that ministry was not about my opportunity to show off my skills, but about loving people.

Waiting is not easy, especially when a fire burns inside your heart. But for me, it was necessary.

After that year, it was two more full years before I finally had the opportunity to take a regular ballet class. I was twenty-one.

The previous year I had done a second year of this ministry program in another state, in which I did have some more opportunities to dance. I was grateful for this, and yet, I knew I really needed a lot more training to hone the skill and gain strength and flexibility. I do remember at one point in the year when a dance instructor from my own church came to teach us. When he saw me dance, he said, “It’s really good to see you dance.” That meant more to me than he’ll ever know.

So at twenty-one, I took one year of ballet from an amazing instructor at my church, and the following year actually had the opportunity to go to the art school at the church and focus solely on dance. I finally had the chance to do something I know God created me to do.

Most dancers start their training early in childhood. I don’t know all the reasons why I didn’t learn until I was an adult, but I do know that while there is pain in waiting, there is also beauty. God focuses on different things with us in different seasons of our lives, and what we have to remember is that he always knows what is best for us.

In my waiting time, God taught me to trust him, to trust his heart and his love for me. He taught me to turn dance into something used to worship him and to share his heart with others, not something to draw attention to myself. He taught me grace.

Today, at twenty-five, I am still dancing. I really am amazed at how much I’ve been able to learn in such a short time and I know I will only get better as I continue to give myself to the process.

In our culture today especially, we tend to want things right away. It doesn’t feel good to wait, or to put things off, or to have to go through years of training to obtain what we want.

But it’s worth it. And if we miss the process, we miss the beauty of the gifts.

I can be content with the level of training I have in dance at this moment, knowing that this journey of learning is not over.

I’m still waiting. I’m waiting for a lot of things. But every day, if I remember to, I live loved, knowing that my Creator stands outside of time, and that he knows best.

No Limits: Overcoming Imaginary Hurdles

Imagination can either daunt us into dormant vision or entice us to create what we see, to build other universes. Fear is a very real enemy to creativity. Courage is our ally that we must take up arms with to stroke the canvas that will bring our imaginings to life. Others can't see what we see unless we make it visible to them. I often find myself standing before a wall that I want with all my heart to scale and yet my foot won't take that first step. It is lulled to sleep by fear of failure. I want it so bad that I'm afraid what I create won't live up to the high standard of my imagination.
Words are tricky creatures. They carry so much meaning, but they can also cause confusion. They can be translated even by someone who shares the same language into something entirely opposite of what the author meant. Words are alive, but they don't have a mind of their own. Fear of man has for centuries been an unnecessary enemy to productivity, invention, and creativity. We make the people's projected reactions our stumbling block, when really it is our own lack of faith in possibility. I know that with God there is no limit. He is the Creator of everything. If you really indulge in the wonder of the complexity of his handiwork, you realize how magnanimous he is. Let your heart dive into this miracle and it will cause unadultereted laughter to bubble up and make your eyes twinkle like a child's.
It is incredible.
That word, incredible, doesn't quite do it justice though. And I think that's what we fear. We fear the insufficiency of our feeble words.
Yet if our God is limitless, are not our words as well? Does our simple language have the potential to carry the power of Heaven?
Why not?
So don't let imagination daunt you anymore. Don't let the fear of man or the inadequacy of your words, your strokes, your moves, your strums keep you from creating the impossible.
The world needs to see what you have been shown.
Fear is your only enemy. A lethargic creativity can always be pushed past. If discouragement discounts your courageous attempts, do it again.
And remember, no limits!

The True Us

God is so gracious. He uses us even in the midst of our selfishness. I am convinced that God is always seeing the true us, the person He made us to be in the beginning. And even if we are not living up to that, he will intentionally highlight the things we do that model that true identity more than the things that don't. He knows that as he acknowledges the gifts we give to him, our desire to give will grow and grow. This is how we become. By receiving God's approval and love. Despite what we've done that we are ashamed of. When we throw off the shame is when we will change. It is never too late. So be encouraged today in whatever process you find yourself in. You are not there yet, but God looks at you as if you are, so you can become. I feel his favor and his approval. He is a good Father, and sometimes we just need a reminder of that.

Covered

Can you hear the beat of distant drums?

Do they resound inside the reserves of your heart

Rhythm unto rhythm, calling you apart?

The sound is faint to those of the Earth

But within Heaven’s gates it erupts like new birth

You can hear if you’re still

If you quiet your mind

Inside Heaven’s reach your heart is not blind

Can you see a distant light like a star in the night?

Does it speak to your life and call you to rise

Light unto eyes, identifying your drive?

Become who you are

Stare the lie in its face

Remove all your shame and disgrace

By one simple embrace

You are covered by blood and stand under grace

See and Speak

I want to see people the way they were originally intended to be, because that is the essence of who they are. I want to stop looking through judgmental or circumstantial eyes and see the beauty of a person. Not because of what they've done that's so great or of merit, but because the One who created me also created them, and they are no less and neither am I.
Maybe the phrase "to see through God's eyes" is overused, but even so, this is my prayer. I want to see people with spiritual eyes, and then go beyond that seeing and actually speak, actually release the words of encouragement to call their true identity out of them. This is how identities open up and blossom, just like a flower. I know, because I am a testament. So many people have spoken things into me and called things out, and so much of the time I didn't fully believe it. But I am believing more and more.
I just want to be faithful to encourage people. I think we all need to have this in mind. Everyone you encounter needs encouragement. Everyone. Let's stop seeing the outward, whether that's appearance, actions, or
words, but ask God for his eyes so we can see the truth in a person.
And don't forget to call it out.
Encouragement is powerful.

Stars

Last night I stepped outside and my eyes caught sight of the stars. It struck me then how long it had been since I looked at them, and I realized how desperately I need a bigger perspective in my life. I love looking at the stars, because they along with the expanse of the night sky remind me first of all how big God is and second of all that there is so much more to this life than I see most of the time. I say we need to indulge in the "bigness" of life, not in a sense of getting overwhelmed, but in knowing that God takes care of all of it, including our small and large struggles.
I've recognized how small my view of life is lately. Whether I'm viewing the world through my little computer screen or through the eyes of my current circumstances, I fail to look beyond the box. I forget how big and glorious and beautiful my God and Savior is, and how big and glorious and beautiful my own life can and is meant to be as a result. I forget how to be loved; hence, I foret how to love. I so often see life in a cave, when there is a whole universe out there declaring the glory of the One I claim to love the most.
God created beauty and put us in the midst of it, but sadly somehow we've managed to hide ourselves from it. I know this is not what our hearts long for. We long to be swept up into beauty and adventure, to be loved and to live for something bigger.
I say let's step into the fullness of life.
Let's see the stars and let them remind us how insignificant and powerless our daily enemies of doubt, worry, weariness, and dullness are. Let us see the majesty of our God and be caught up in His embrace and His story.

Truth Meets Desire

This poem came out of a time we had today to ponder the story of the woman who anointed the feet of Jesus at Simon the Pharisee's house, as told in Luke 7. I found myself mostly relating to Simon in this story, which somewhat surprised me. I believe in addressing this man who was both disgusted with the woman's actions as well as skeptical of who Jesus really was, Jesus was calling to his heart, speaking to his desires if he was willing to listen. Jesus was not rejecting him for his judgmentalism, his sin, or his lack of faith. He was calling him by name, acknowledging him as a man who needed grace, if he was only willing to lay down his pride, receive forgiveness, and become as extravagant with his love as the woman, the "sinner,"
 was with hers as a result of that receiving.
Jesus' truth was calling to Simon's desire that had been overcome by his doubts.

The one who sees me sits in this room tonight
The one who knows and looks right through my pride
He is my shelter, glowing heart
A voice that speaks my name
An eye that pierces through my shame

I am here, I am now

I don’t know why or how
Creator’s breath, Creator’s touch
Moves through the invisible
Notes the imperceptible

When I sit alone afraid of my thoughts

Not wanting to utter the whispers that shudder
All through my mind, the unseen, the blind lies
He is the one who is privy to my pain
The one who gives me a safe place, who calls me sane

My safety, my guide

Who understands my thoughts better than I
Who calls to my heart when I’m tied by my mind
Arouses desires that stir and make known
The path I long to tread, to love and to yearn

When I don’t know how to learn

He opens me up so I can kneel and unwind
Lay before him my pride
The dirt and the grime
So audacious to assume
That my tears could undo
The filth on his feet
But his blood says they do

The one who hears my doubts

When they remain in my head in the crowd
Picks me out, confronts straight up what I’m about
And his words bring me back to desire
The longings that once were on fire
Before they were consumed by my qualms

The one who looks and sees
Pierces through every encroaching disease
And speaks truth that meets
A desire that knows my deepest needs

Art: The People's Safe Haven

Last night I had a revelation about art in a way I hadn't really thought of before. I was attending this concert and just observing all the people around me, thinking about what brought them here, why they went out of their way to come and enjoy this night of music.
Many of us hear and know that people tend to use art as an escape. I believe this is true, but I also think the reality of this runs deeper than we may realize.
People came to that concert last night to lose themselves, to get carried away in the beauty of the music and the talent and passion that was expressed. To take a night off from the every day grind that wears us all down. I think people look to various forms of artistic expression as a safe haven. It's a place they can go, something they can experience where the inner depths of their identity and longings are known. It's a time where they can let down and just feel, instead of doing and producing.
I believe artists have a very important job, and it goes way beyond entertainment. When people come to enjoy art, it is their time to get away, to find common ground with all types of people who all have the same desires and hunger deep inside. It's a way to connect with their Creator, even if they don't know that's what is happening.
Art has the ability to create a safe place. A place that welcomes you in and tells you that you belong and you are not alone.
That is why I believe it is so critical for those of us who are followers of the true Creator, our Father God, to create works of art with all the passion and life He gives us. If you are an artist, as I am, I encourage you to throw your whole being into what you create. And always do it with God's grace and power behind you and in you. Cry out for a greater release. Don't believe the lie that your job as an artist is not as legitimate as other professions.
Being an artist is a most important role in our culture today. Jesus is the people's safe haven, the only One who can truly speak to the depths of people's souls and not leave them empty at the end. As artists, we are the ones who provide that getaway that people need, that safe haven where people can come and let down all their worries and cares.
Let us draw people in to come away with Him. Let us leave people with a taste that lingers and warmly invites them to experience more.
Let us use the gifts God has given us and not hold back.

Steady and Sure

Jesus, every time I fall behind or bend under the weight of life
Please remind me you are here
Father, I don’t want to deny your attendance in my days
Your existence in my heart
Please remind me you are here
Not only here to stay but here to be my world today
That everything I do would travel a road back to you
That every endeavor, every act, every word
Would find its origin in you
That when I walk and when I talk
I would think of you and the love that you’ve shared
Not so I can hoard it
But so I can build a place of safety
A place of hospitality
Where my whole life is an open book
Ready to draw others into the story unfolding
As I lay down my life for your glory

Let me not look to myself anymore

What I can do, whatever waits beyond that door
The things too harsh to face
What I try to do without grace
My eyes you train to see you
To be fixed on your eyes that show me what to do
And how
And I will not fade or fall or waste away
When my heart is alive in your constant embrace
Steady and sure
I’ll lock my eyes on yours
So that I’ll remember why I was made

"Source" and "Take Flight" (A prayer and response)

This first poem starts out as an expression of frustration and a prayer that expresses my desire to be closer to Father so He can work and create through me.
The second I believe is His response. Let Him speak to you where you're at today. He wants to, with all His heart, even if you don't feel it.

Source

How much time can I waste

Thinking I have no words to say?
I’m on the edge of disgrace
Tears threatening to streak down my face
I’ve lost sight of your grace
In this moment
When all inside me wants to live with meaning
I sit around idly and can’t feel you
I know you haven’t left
Because if you had I’d have tasted death
But why do I sit here, lonely
When you’ve given me your voice
And I always have a choice
I need your love, what can I say?
I’m an orphan here, just waiting for that day
When I’ll know I’m wanted
I don’t mean to say I’m ungrateful
Or that it’s not true
By my heart doesn’t always feel as it should
Until I pursue yours
So teach me, Father
As I sit here, without words
Scraping and scrounging, trying to discern
What it’s all about
I’m lost just like all the rest
I have nothing your mercy hasn’t sent
So keep me humble and keep me open
But don’t let me forget that I don’t have to be broken
Forever
Hold me now, hold me close
I want to hear your breath, the bob of your throat
I need to know your warmth, your soft, gentle voice
That steals all the lies, that hushes the chaos
In my mind
You’re stirring in my life
I’m coming away with you
For what else can I do
In the midst of this pain
In the midst of all we’re going through?
You’re the anchor to my soul
The rose that teaches me to unfold
The warrior that opposes all my foes
And brings me near to your kingly throne
The words are there, barely
Scratching the fringes of your presence
But do my eyes see?
Open
Open up
Climb deep inside and show me
Who you are
How life speaks and points to you
As the source
Father hear my prayer
Your daughter’s waiting here
Not knowing what to ask
But not satisfied without your touch

Take Flight

Rest from your striving soul

Give it to me, I’m in control
Of every care, every worry
Everything uncertain in your mind
I hold in a bottle of time
For I stand outside
So
Let go, don’t you know
That I want you free?
That my yoke is easy
If you let me carry
All the loads, the confusion that overflows
Into your heart
The sacred place where our love started
Child, you invited me in
But I can’t live in a place so cluttered
With thoughts that are scattered
And not meant to be
Look at me
For I am here
And my very presence in your life
Trumps any fear
That tries to tell you you’re not good enough
You’re not
So embrace it fast so I can be
Your everything
Dear one, you are precious to me
I am not mad or absent
I am fully me
And you see, to be fully me is to be love
I see
Through eyes that wed the dirty sinner
When he was not yet clean
And I see you now
Pure as can be
A child full of destiny
That belongs to me
So come away and be mine
Detach yourself from what binds
And blinds
And find that my life
Flows through and makes a way
For you to not only get through this day
But be alive to my creative design
Take joy and take delight
For even in the fight
You’ll soon take flight

I Close My Eyes

I wrote this poem in a little bit of a different approach than normal. I would say it's more like a free write where I just put words on the page even if I didn't
 know what they meant yet, and this was the result. I pray that as you read this God will touch your heart just as He is touching mine through these words He helped me to express.

I close my eyes because I can’t seem to surmise
What your face looks like when you’re looking at my life
I want to see you there in all your glory, just who you are
Pervading every molecule every moment in time in this world
That I find myself in, catching up to the grind and the design
Of daily life, this living that I look to try to find
Meaning in the moments
A reason to create
A song of passion to sing before it’s too late
How much time can I waste
Before I taste what I was made for?
Because I’m standing before this open door
Just waiting, listening, pleading
For you to show me how to step through
If I enter will I see?
If I go will I believe
That miracles direct my destiny
And you are in, around, and pulsing through me
In this cavity that seems to only hold my organs, blood and bones
But in reality is a cave around your ghost?
What does your breath in me
Feel like, taste like
And what is it supposed to produce?
When my mind overcomes my pursuit
I am lost and in the darkness I forget
That once your passion flowed through me like blood
Ignited my fingers to release the words that were vaulting from your heart
Gave me dreams to dance
To show the world who you really are
But do I know?
Doubt
It leaks in as a tar to my faith
Suffocating the joy that once accompanied grace
And fear takes the place of grace
But it can never undo your face
Oh, because when I remember
When I look, when I gaze
And go back to that place
You’re still there
As I sit in my shame
Feed on my enemy’s blame
You’re still there
Holding my hand, seeing my tear-streaked face
And holding my ear to your heart
Just to tell me it beats
Did I forget I’m alive?
This passion you confide, this love that ignites
It’s still here
And it’s a fight that sometimes is black
That sometimes only shows me my lack
But then grace comes
Like a gentle wave
Caressing my heart and reminding me why I’m saved
And your name is all I care about
I close my eyes so I can see
The beauty that once set me free
Because you said you would stay here with me
Until the night is done, until I see
Until I believe
And longer, you linger, merely to be with me

Enter In (Armor of God)

I enter in fully clad in battle dress
Though I do not fight with blood and flesh
This war that wages is old and I am new
Born again out of a merciful womb
Time stands still as a light in my heart dawns
Awakening  both to love and to duty
I bow in love to the King who commissions me
Not to my death but to carry His breath
My waist is girded with Truth
My chest covered in His righteousness
My feet shod in peace
Only found within His reach
I am given a shield of fiery faith
Able to defend against every lie from every wraith
My head is guarded by the sturdy steel
Of the salvation that brought me to this field
And last of all though not least by any measure
I take up the sword of His Word, my dearest treasure
Now, covered head to foot
I’m finally found and ready to begin
As long as I never leave Him I’ll win
Wrapped in destiny and favor I’ll fight
And His heart will beat in mine
Until the day I die
When I will see Him and enter in
With complete delight
Knowing I never gave up the fight

Redemption (Easter poetry)

Born into sin in a world that’s returning to dust

Despising what’s right in our rush to devour our lusts
We’ve never sought God and never known peace
But speak with deceit and consume bitter feasts
Till all understanding, all truth and all life
Is replaced with great envy, murder, and strife
Collapsing into a depraved state of mind
Having no fear of God disobedient and blind
With greed and with pride we strive to fulfill
What our sinful penchant compels us to build
Homes of no trust no love and no good
So all that remains is evil and hate and our gossiping graves
We cling to the lies that deceptively satisfy
The craving within for approval and life
We approve of the evil around and within us
A useless and insolent brood without any rest
We’re stuck here in sin, only worthy of death

Then Jesus came

Overcoming what brought us our shame
Under the Law we were slaves to our sin
But when Christ shed his blood made righteous again
Pulling us out from the mess and the trash
That we had indulged in, that brought our hearts death
His mercy and patience canceled what we had done wrong
Though we were the ones who jeered in the throng
He restored us and justified so by faith in his name
We are set right, cleansed and remade
Oh merciful Father you sent your own son
To become the very life we could never have done
We all fell short of your glorious way
Till you shattered our yokes and conquered the grave
By your unyielding kindness and the gift of your grace
Through Jesus we’re healed and eternally saved

                                                ~

I was lost
When my tears hit the pillow one by one
Telling a story that wasn’t done
Or rather, one I didn’t know was already won
My mind it told me you were real
Said you were good that you love that you heal
But my shattered heart tried to steal
Whatever truth I knew up there
I didn’t know how to feel
The voices I heard said I was stuck
That I could never see
I could never be free
Because of the way that I was
But you came
2000 years ago and took all the shame
And when I saw it I fell
I fell in love, though broken and hurt
With the one who took all my dirt and gave me worth
What I knew in my head traveled down where it belonged
The freedom of your love became my new song
And your deep heart helped me to see
That the times I felt alone you were there with me
The lies they had to leave
Choked out by your blood that covered me
My fear departed I had a new heart and
I could finally see
What I was made to be
It’s not me, you see
The goodness of my destiny
Is Jesus living in me
The hope of glory
Compelling love, beauty and creativity
Are an endless symphony
Making my life a story
That brings redemption, hope and change
To a world that’s bound up in chains
Lord release your rain
And bring the nations back to you
Triumphant life no power in death
This is what fills every breath