A Flower in the Darkness: Reflections from my experience in Thailand

It's hard to believe that it has been nearly a month since arriving home from Thailand. I find it just as difficult to get my mind away from everything that took place on this trip, even after some time has passed. I just want to share some words to whomever feels inclined to read them about what took place and what revelations I have been receiving since taking this exciting adventure. For those who may not know, a team of about 16 of us, 14 ladies and two men, traveled to the city of Pattaya in Southern Thailand at the end of March. The city is known for sex tourism. Here's a picture for you. Smog. Traffic. Busy streets. Cramped and unlevel sidewalks. Open bars, restaurants, and massage parlors lining most streets. A crowded beach right across from a massive shopping mall. Street vendors everywhere. European and American tourists walking around, many older men. At night, everything picks up speed. Neon lights, loud music coming from the bars, beautiful girls with blank faces lining up outside the bars holding signs. Streets congested with pedestrian tourists. Sexual menues being casually handed out. Chaos. Walking Street especially can be described as a fair. The sad reality is, everything is for sale at this fair, this feast for the eyes. Not only everything, but everyone. Pattaya really can be an amusement park for lustful adults. To buy someone in Pattaya is easy and generally cheap. Slavery is very real there, as it is here in America. But when you go to Pattaya, it is all out in the open and it is an accepted practice to buy someone, at least for the night. It strikes me how God can break into a city like that. Everything you see around you is so contrary to everything our God stands for, yet He sends us because He knows His Light is way too powerful to be overcome by even that kind of darkness. What our team had the privelege to be a part of was to share Love and Hope with the girls who work in these bars. Day in and day out they are there--they don't get weekends and holidays like us. They work. They sell their bodies because it is what they feel they have to do to provide for their families back home, their young children, and themselves. So many of these women are truly sacrificial, doing it all for the love of their families. I met so many girls who are just like me, except for their country of origin and the experiences they have been through. But I found that when I did not allow myself to look at them through the lense of their past, all I saw was a valuable human being, a new friend. In the midst of such perversity, devaluing of human dignity, and darkness, God really did show up. His love poured through us and into them, and they received it. We were different to them. We had to actually be their customers--we had to buy them out of the bar for the night. I've never bought a person before. I'm sure you haven't either. So, in a way, that was strange. Yet these girls are so used to it, and that fact is heartbreaking. Anyway, we bought them out, took them to dinner to get to know them better, and throughout the week we took several girls to see the safe house, called the Happy Home. Just to watch these girls open up in the context of being in the company of people who actually care about them and don't want to use them was incredible. The majority of them have never felt the kind of love we were showing in their entire lives. They didn't know it existed until they met us. Some got to hear for the first time an apology from one of the men in our team for how men had treated them horribly. That is something they never, ever thought they would hear from a man. But just like that, God broke in. He literally tore down their walls of impossibility and said, "No, it's possible. Here is your hope." When you start to see things from their side, that's when you really are blown away. Wow. Look what God can do with my simple willingness to go on this trip, with my weak attempts to love a broken person. It worked. And that's when I realize, God loves these people so much more than I ever could. He had them in mind before I ever even cared about the nation of Thailand. He just one day said, "You. You go. I choose you to go to Pattaya in March 2012." I have seen light penetrating darkness. The contrast is so poignant. I hope what I have shared will spur you on to move towards the dreams God has put in your heart. There really is no limit to what He can do. All we have to do is be humble and willing. I am at this point now where I feel like I have to do more, I have to help more to fight this terrible injustice of human trafficking and the whole sex industry. I don't know exactly where God will lead me in this, but I'm committing to follow Him one step at a time. He has opened up to me through this experience a whole new realm of possibility. Things I never thought I would do are becoming a reality. I encourage you to not allow your dreams to be too small. Dream big, and if you can't accomplish that big dream today, don't be discouraged. Let's remember that God is in control, and even when it seems your life is doing nothing at the moment to change this world we live in, know that your submission to Him, and your agreement to walk near to Him is doing more than you can see right now. But in time, He will reveal. And in time, we will see more open doors. "...for God takes the side of victims. Do you think you can mess with the dreams of the poor? You can't, for God makes their dreams come true." from Psalm 14, the Message By the way, there are now at least five girls living in the Happy Home, all of whom we met on our trip. There are several more planning on moving in as well. Praise God! For anyone who wants to learn more about the organization we were working with or wants to partner with them to help in some way, I encourage you to visit www.globalbreakthrough.net

Walk With Me

I walk forward, and there you are. Before me, behind me, and all around. My head is bowed, but I begin to feel you rising inside, swelling in joy until my head is lifted, shining and radiant. When I know you’re inside, I know who I am, and I walk with a new confident stride. Nothing can faze me, nothing can strip away the frail pieces of my heart, because you have already done that, and in such a gentle and understanding way, with those eyes of yours that pierce and tear down walls as I drown in them. How can I describe your intimacy, God? Your eyes hold an intensity like none other, a deep longing mixed with compassion and understanding. When I look into them, I know that you are right there, in the moment with me, taking all my burdens into your own heart. And then you give me your rhythm, whether is it sweet or violent or constant. It is always what I need to dance the dance of the moment. When I can see you and feel your hand on my heart, infusing me with a love beyond description and that overcomes my guilt, I know exactly where to step next. And I am not afraid. God, you have stripped away the broken, the shattered and frail fragments of my life. And you have come in and built something new. Something beautiful and fragrant. You make me smile with your smile. When you smile, I know you love me more than anyone in the whole world does, and I know you will always love me that way. I see that you take joy in me. I don’t have to know why, I just know. If I can let that be enough, I walk in my true identity. I have been broken in the past, but now I can be poured out, spread out. And I don’t run dry. The more I give, the more I am filled. You invite me into the joy of the fellowship of your Trinity, and this reality is beyond my wildest imaginations. With you, every day has purpose. The smallest things turn into life. Faith changes lives, even to just speak one word. Your heart is passed to another when I receive it and give it with a word or a gesture or even a smile. Why shouldn’t I live this way all the time? I can. We can. When we let the truth we know transfer to our hearts and flow through our veins, we can get back to our original purpose, which, as it has always been, is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. It is only when we do this that we can be truly content—in ALL circumstances, doing anything. Let Him walk with you today. You’ll find a joy beyond measure, unlimited access to His Kingdom, faith that WILL move any mountain, adventure that you’ve always longed for. It’s waiting for you. Embrace what you can have. It’s always been there.

Innocence is Restored

“What will it take to make me innocent again?”

I look at the photo in front of me, a shot of my two married friends, myself, and two “bar girls” from the city of Pattaya, Thailand. Though only taken about three weeks ago now, it has become a sweet, sweet memory to me. There are many pictures that stand in contrast to this one, some only taken in my mind. Girls sitting at bars or standing outside of them, waiting for the next customer. The difference in this “customer service” job from so many others is that the girls are the merchandise. In these pictures, the only smiles you see are synthetic. An illusion of happiness creates the false aura around these scenes, so when you see the girls with no smiles, no expression even, that’s when you know they don’t want to be there.
Who would? Have you ever had to sell yourself? What kind of currency could validate these exchanges or replace what you would have to give away? For these girls, Thai baht is their only return. And while this may be a dire need, it cannot restore what they’ve lost. No amount of money can suffice to justify the sacrifice of their very souls. Not really.
I look again at the photo before me, and it tells a different story. An impossible story. The two “bar girls” have genuine smiles on their faces. You can see that it has been a long time since they have been able to smile like that. The three of us surround them and all of us are inside a safe house that the girls have just heard of for the first time. It’s a symbol of hope to them, a possibility that, as far as they were concerned, did not exist until now. There are no prostitutes in this picture. In fact, I shudder to even mention the word at the sight of my precious new friends.
I think of the bar they came from, the purpose behind it, the men who come prowling for young women to satisfy their selfish cravings for the night. And all I can think is, these girls have no place there. They don’t belong. In so many ways, they are just like us.
Now, as I recount the pictures in my mind of all those girls sitting, waiting, or standing outside of a bar in Pattaya City holding a sign that virtually says, “buy me, I’m worthless if not for your pleasure,” I see individuals with dreams that have been shattered. But I also see the hope that lies just beyond their next step. Our next step.
I see a young woman whose favorite color is blue, who wants to own her own salon to make a living in a healthy way and provide for her two young children. I see someone who just wants to be loved like everyone else in this world, who wants a friend to confide in, a purpose to live for that is bigger than herself. I see someone with a willingness to sacrifice for the ones she loves, but secretly wants to do it in a better way. A way that will not mix shame with a willing heart. I see death in their eyes, but I also see the potential of life ignited with just one touch.
How can they be innocent again? When they taste of a love that is unfailing, undeserved, and unearned. When they are seen through eyes that do not judge, do not lust, do not disregard. When who they truly are is recognized and acknowledged. It will be as if they have never been violated, as if all the abominable things they have ever done never happened. That’s what the Love we know can do.