Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Interrupted: The Thrill of the Unknown


            Something interesting has dawned on me recently in regards to the fact that I am a fairly organized person. Organization often requires planning and routine, and sticking to a schedule. This is easy for me. When I have a schedule that barely varies from day to day, I know what to expect. My life is predictable. What I’ve realized is that for so long I’ve tried to live a predictable life. Because it’s easy. It’s comfortable and secure. If I take a job that guarantees to keep me long term, that is good, because I don’t have to worry about the uncertainty that accompanies a job search for several more years. I tend to feel safe and feel that things are right when I can fit everything into tidy boxes, when I know exactly what I’ll be doing at noon tomorrow, and probably even at noon a year from now.

            But there’s this other part of me. It’s the part that’s always been there but has taken more time to awaken because it’s scary. It’s the desire in me to live adventurously, to think outside the box, to dream big as if limitations don’t exist. I live in this tension and seeming paradox of being a daydreamer while at the same time wanting to stay comfortable. When life is predictable, I can be in control. Fear isn’t an obstacle to overcome because there just isn’t anything to be afraid of.

            There are two things I’ve come to realize over the past few years about being a Christian. One, it isn’t safe or predictable. There are a lot of unknowns. When Jesus’ disciples decided to follow him, they chose to drop everything that gave them any sense of security in the world and follow a guy who wouldn’t tell them what to expect but who expected them to have faith in him. The second thing I’ve come to realize is that the Christian life is adventurous and exciting. I find myself becoming disappointed or angry when things don’t turn out the way I had envisioned. I see now that most of the time, this is because I thought I was in control, and when my time, life, circumstances, whatever it was got ripped out of my grip instead of me willingly letting go, it tore me open. It made me vulnerable when I wasn’t ready. I believe that any adventure requires courage. First, it requires letting go of expectations and what I know to be safe, then it calls for great courage.

            What if an adventure consists of some of the things we would never have thought to put in that category before? Such as forgiveness. Let me explain. If I want my life to be predictable because it’s comfortable and easy, what happens when someone does something to me that I don’t expect and can’t control? Something I don’t like? A reaction on my part will certainly take place because my prediction has been broken. So, what if I don’t place unreasonable expectations on life or people? What if the act of forgiveness can be an adventure because of the courage and love it requires? What if I let my imagination create a new story for someone that has hurt me? Not the predictable kind where I react and get angry and they get punished, but the kind where redemption is possible, the kind where this person gets so filled up with love that they turn around and start forgiving the people in their life, and there is this huge ripple effect that changes the whole world.

            Crazy, right?

            But then again, Jesus used twelve people to turn the world upside down because they were willing to step into the unknown and even get hurt sometimes.

            If my life is too predictable, it becomes boring, and then when the inevitable unexpected thing comes up, I don’t know what to do with myself. Where is the courage? Where is the passion? Where is the love? I am a person who both appreciates routine and is a daydreamer. For the most part, I know what I’ll be doing tomorrow, but I know that I really don’t. Because there are those moments waiting for me that God has in his heart but hasn’t revealed yet. There are those people I’ll see on my walk that need me to smile at them, and if I’m so stuck in just going through the motions of my predictable life, I’ll forget to do it. I’ll miss the adventure of brightening up someone’s day with joy. Of possibly changing someone’s story.

            I have realized how much I live in my own little world. Even when my thoughts are big, they are limited by inaction. I don’t know about you, but I want to see. I want to be present and aware because at any moment, God could drop something into my little world to make it shatter, and I fear I might not even notice the shards breaking on the ground. And at that point, I am no longer living.

            The Christian life is full of glorious interruptions calling us to adventure. Let us let go of control, step with joy into the unknown, and embrace the kind of passionate life that makes walking on water seem like child’s play.