HOPE

Can you hear me?

I just want to know

If anyone out there knows

Who I am

I’m not the girl you think

My heart has died

I can’t feel anymore

Not like I used to

My body contracts without tears

I’ve been here too many years

Would you recognize me

If you saw me now?

I don’t know.

I barely see the light of day

They tell me to stay and I do

Not because I want to

But because my will perished long ago

The only will I have is the will to live

But even that is fading away.

Am I anything anymore?

Does my voice make a sound

As I lay here on the ground?

What’s this I hear?

What’s this I feel?

A tear, pushing itself through?

It can’t be, no!

I won’t cry, I won’t grasp hope

I used to do that

Until I started to believe what’s real

That I will never be saved.

I’m a daughter?

Whose?

My father disowned me

Nobody loves me.

But I feel your hand

It’s gentle

Compassionate

Is it really for me?

You love me you say

You love me, is it true?

Don’t do this to me

My heart is already torn in two!

I’m rescued, I’m saved!

I never believed in this day,

But you broke the chains

I am breathing again

Oh it’s been so long

Can I ever be

The little girl I once was?

That and more, you say

And I trust you

I AM FREE

Making Room

In our garden made for two
You asked me to make room
You said, "open up your heart
It might hurt, but I did it too."
And though it didn't seem
There was much room for them
I let them in
And our garden grew.

At times I've asked you why
I must go through the pain
And you remind me that
You did the same.
You came to love the lost
The sinners, cheats, and liars
And I must do that too
Or I am chief among them.

I've opened up our garden
And I find that when I close the gate
With even just a little bit of hate
I can't feel you anymore.
But it's never too late.
I open up again, feel the pain
But experience the sweetness
Of sharing in your gain.

Our garden made for two
Is made for so much more
And when I give away
What is really yours
I go deeper in your heart
And love you even more.

Awaken!

You inspire me to dance. I can't hold back. When I see who you truly are, even just a little, my heart bursts with excitement. When I see who you are, I have purpose. No matter what. I have purpose when I am loved. I want my life to emanate who you are. Who you are changes everything. And joy is uncontainable. I've tasted that reality, but I want more! My spirit longs and cries out for it! It's the way I'm meant to live! My heart screams I'm so in love with you! True love makes everything come alive! I don't want to be dead anymore! I will ask you every day, awaken my heart!!!

How do you turn guilt into conviction and then let something good come out of everything that has caused the guilt? I suppose I could probably tell you the answer, but it's really not so easy to walk it out. I could use some help here. Yes, I've been here before, and God came through, but it never happens the same way I don't think. So what needs to happen? God I am more desperate for you than I've ever been.

Lonely

Why do we hurt so much? And why is most of our pain not visible to anyone else? I know we all hurt in different ways, and we all have different aspects of brokenness that we carry around with us, but could I venture to say that at least for most of us, our deepest pain is truly loneliness? Why, in our age, can most of us not live without a cell phone, facebook, internet, email, blogs, texting? Because we want to be known. We want connection. We want to convince ourselves that we are not the only ones in pain, that someone understands. And yet with all these things, we still cover up our true feelings. Because we are afraid. Afraid of rejection, of being exposed, vulnerable, unguarded. We are afraid of being known. This is the paradox we live in. So what is our answer? All we can do is go around in circles until we believe the truth about our God. Our Father. He knows our pain better than any human ever could. So many of us know that, but we don’t believe it. We still look in other places to find what we long for. Maybe when we finally let go of those other searches for approval and love we will then believe that our God cares for us. Let go and be free. Love others, seek others, but pursue God first. Love him first. This is not easy for us to do, and I don’t really know why. But the Christian life is a life of denial. We have to deny ourselves every day, we have to deny every temptation that so easily slips into our lives. So we can live in the reality we were meant for. And so God’s love is the only thing keeping us alive.

If you feel like giving up, or ever have...

To the end
I'll stand.
Even when my failure
Threatens me
Beats me up
Leaves me for dead
I'll stand.
I won't give up.
When the fight inside overwhelms
When I can't get over my pride
I'll remember the one who died
And I'll stand.
When anguish tears at my soul
And I don't know where to go
Or even what I feel
I'll look to my Solid Rock
Wave the Freedom banner high
And not give up.
To the end
To the end I'll stand.
Even when lies become my truth
I'll deny their power
And look to the Book
That has all the answers.
I'll stand
Hand in hand
With my God
Whose love will sustain me
Through every up and down
Every joy and pain
Till the end I'll stand.

There’s nothing like smashing your finger to let out pent up emotions. Sometimes, when I don’t understand the Kingdom of God, I feel as if God leaves me. I can remember amazing wonderful times where He has met me and turned my life around, or flooded me with his love. But I let what people say confuse this assurance. But no, I won’t believe it. He has not left me. And He never will. And also, I think it’s okay to cry. He understands. He holds me. He never leaves me.