Where I'm Meant to Be

Without you I am lost
I won’t count the cost
I won’t even jump in
In being safe I think I win
But why do I feel disturbed?
Why am I not at rest
When I hold back,
When I don’t let my heart be tested?
I am born for danger
I was made for risk
Your purpose is my calling
It costs a lot
But I can do nothing less
Save me from myself
Help me flee from safety
For if I don’t get out of the boat
I’ll be handicapped for life
Imprisoned by mere thoughts
Lies that only have power
If they are believed
The truth is where I stand
Therefore I can walk hand in hand
With you, Father
Confident, fearless
Stepping out at every chance
Living out my destiny
And held close to your heart
I in you and you in me
This is where I’m meant to be.

My Passion

Beautiful
I want to see you
Your heart beats steady
And I want mine to match
But it wavers
And it fails
Goodness
Holiness
Emanates from who you are
I want to reach
To touch the pure essence
Of you, God
But I feel
I am so far
Can a man be near to God
Most holy, perfect, clean
When he is defiled by shame?
I believe so
But only
Because I know
The blood covers
All imperfection
And draws us near
We can be touched
We can flow in the rhythm
Of the heartbeat
Of the King of kings
He calls us his children
I want to touch you
I long to behold you
Draw me near
Oh most holy
I will worship you
With abandon
Full out expression
Because I cannot hold it in.
I love you!

HOPE

Can you hear me?

I just want to know

If anyone out there knows

Who I am

I’m not the girl you think

My heart has died

I can’t feel anymore

Not like I used to

My body contracts without tears

I’ve been here too many years

Would you recognize me

If you saw me now?

I don’t know.

I barely see the light of day

They tell me to stay and I do

Not because I want to

But because my will perished long ago

The only will I have is the will to live

But even that is fading away.

Am I anything anymore?

Does my voice make a sound

As I lay here on the ground?

What’s this I hear?

What’s this I feel?

A tear, pushing itself through?

It can’t be, no!

I won’t cry, I won’t grasp hope

I used to do that

Until I started to believe what’s real

That I will never be saved.

I’m a daughter?

Whose?

My father disowned me

Nobody loves me.

But I feel your hand

It’s gentle

Compassionate

Is it really for me?

You love me you say

You love me, is it true?

Don’t do this to me

My heart is already torn in two!

I’m rescued, I’m saved!

I never believed in this day,

But you broke the chains

I am breathing again

Oh it’s been so long

Can I ever be

The little girl I once was?

That and more, you say

And I trust you

I AM FREE

Making Room

In our garden made for two
You asked me to make room
You said, "open up your heart
It might hurt, but I did it too."
And though it didn't seem
There was much room for them
I let them in
And our garden grew.

At times I've asked you why
I must go through the pain
And you remind me that
You did the same.
You came to love the lost
The sinners, cheats, and liars
And I must do that too
Or I am chief among them.

I've opened up our garden
And I find that when I close the gate
With even just a little bit of hate
I can't feel you anymore.
But it's never too late.
I open up again, feel the pain
But experience the sweetness
Of sharing in your gain.

Our garden made for two
Is made for so much more
And when I give away
What is really yours
I go deeper in your heart
And love you even more.

Awaken!

You inspire me to dance. I can't hold back. When I see who you truly are, even just a little, my heart bursts with excitement. When I see who you are, I have purpose. No matter what. I have purpose when I am loved. I want my life to emanate who you are. Who you are changes everything. And joy is uncontainable. I've tasted that reality, but I want more! My spirit longs and cries out for it! It's the way I'm meant to live! My heart screams I'm so in love with you! True love makes everything come alive! I don't want to be dead anymore! I will ask you every day, awaken my heart!!!

How do you turn guilt into conviction and then let something good come out of everything that has caused the guilt? I suppose I could probably tell you the answer, but it's really not so easy to walk it out. I could use some help here. Yes, I've been here before, and God came through, but it never happens the same way I don't think. So what needs to happen? God I am more desperate for you than I've ever been.

Lonely

Why do we hurt so much? And why is most of our pain not visible to anyone else? I know we all hurt in different ways, and we all have different aspects of brokenness that we carry around with us, but could I venture to say that at least for most of us, our deepest pain is truly loneliness? Why, in our age, can most of us not live without a cell phone, facebook, internet, email, blogs, texting? Because we want to be known. We want connection. We want to convince ourselves that we are not the only ones in pain, that someone understands. And yet with all these things, we still cover up our true feelings. Because we are afraid. Afraid of rejection, of being exposed, vulnerable, unguarded. We are afraid of being known. This is the paradox we live in. So what is our answer? All we can do is go around in circles until we believe the truth about our God. Our Father. He knows our pain better than any human ever could. So many of us know that, but we don’t believe it. We still look in other places to find what we long for. Maybe when we finally let go of those other searches for approval and love we will then believe that our God cares for us. Let go and be free. Love others, seek others, but pursue God first. Love him first. This is not easy for us to do, and I don’t really know why. But the Christian life is a life of denial. We have to deny ourselves every day, we have to deny every temptation that so easily slips into our lives. So we can live in the reality we were meant for. And so God’s love is the only thing keeping us alive.